Are You Kidding? The Feelings Are Mutual

We looked at each other blankly. "You mean someone who tells us what to do with the money we don't have?" we asked. Their faces spoke for them - "We were afraid of this!" My husband and I were like anxious children who knew they had done something wrong, but weren't sure what.

My father's voice was hopeful. "But you've got some money tucked away in a high-interest savings account - don't you?" We put on the "sorry" look again. "Oh, dear," they muttered.

What could we say? Two things had impeded our education in this area. First, we had no extra money to put anywhere. Second, the thought of retirement was ridiculous - that only happens to old people. My plan for the future, had I been pressed to answer, would have involved sleeping in - preferably on Maui.

"Doesn't the government look after that sort of thing?" I asked my husband. "Both my grandmothers received pension checks. One of them even had to get a new check one month because her German shepherd ate it when it came through the mail slot." They were both happy senior citizens, and it seemed our government looked after them just fine. But then, we are Canadian!

ENTER THE REAL WORLD

Why am I always the last to learn the facts of life? There was that embarrassing incident when my friend told me Santa Claus wasn't real and I felt compelled to end our friendship with a punch in her nose. Or when I found out that teachers don't live in the supply closets at school.

With a look that asked, "Why didn't she get our sensible genes?" and a deep sigh, my father gave us a file of RRSP reading material. It seemed to be written in a foreign language, so we just went to the bank and said, "We hear we have to give you money so we can live in Hawaii when we get old." And thus began our registered retirement savings plan.

Our financial institution seemed pleased to see us and suggested they take money out of our account every month. "You might not see it for a long time," they warned us. We thought this seemed a little harsh, but they were reassuring. "Don't worry. We'll take good care of it, and you'll end up with a lot more than you put in," they told us. "If you say so," we replied. We knew if they didn't take it now, that money sure wasn't going to be there by the end of the month - not with us handling it.

We have had a succession of RRSP advisors at our bank over the past few years. They try to discuss intelligent choices with us involving mutual funds, stocks, and investment opportunities. They talk about market trends, foreign options as opposed to domestic, while we just nod and smile like tourists. Eventually they give up. "Just put it somewhere safe," we tell them.

It's February again and we're feeling virtuous about taking our fiscal responsibilities seriously. You might say that we have matured along with our bonds. And just so they know we've done our homework, when we go in for our annual visit this month, we'll tell them we don't want any of those unethical funds. I sure hope they remember to tell us when we can move to Maui.

Vivian Ruskin, who lives outside Vancouver, BC, has been a freelance writer for more than 20 years. She works as a part-time reporter for the MetroValley Newspaper Group for the Fraser Valley, and her articles have also been published in various US and Canadian magazines.

This article and other articles like it may be found at the Working Money website at www.working-money.com.

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